7 red lines in green and all perpendicular

[ahbappy8.5.2]

Petrov came to the meeting on Wednesday. They took out his brain, put it on saucers and started eating it, smacking their lips and generally expressing all sorts of approval. Petrov's boss, Nedozaytsev, prudently handed out dessert spoons to those present. And so it began.
- Colleagues, - says Morkovyeva, - our organization has been faced with a large-scale task. We have received a project for implementation, within the framework of which we need to draw several red lines. Are you ready to take on this task?
- Of course, - says Nedozaytsev. He is the director, and is always ready to take on a problem that someone from the team will have to bear. However, he immediately clarifies: - We can do this, right?
The head of the drawing department, Sidoryakhin, nods hastily:
- Yes, of course. Petrov is sitting here with us, he is our best specialist in the field of drawing red lines. We specially invited him to the meeting so that he could express his competent opinion.
- Nice to meet you, - says Morkovyeva. — Well, you all know me. And this is Lenochka, she is a design specialist in our organization.
Lenochka blushes and smiles sheepishly. She recently graduated with an economics degree, and has the same relation to design as a platypus has to the design of airships.
— So, — says Morkovyeva. — We need to draw seven red lines. They all have to be strictly perpendicular, and in addition, some need to be drawn green, and some transparent. Do you think this is possible?
— No, — says Petrov.
— Let’s not rush to an answer, Petrov, — says Sidoryakhin. — The task has been set, and it needs to be solved. You are a professional, Petrov. Don’t give us a reason to think that you are not a professional.
— You see, — explains Petrov, — the term “red line” implies that the color of the line is red. Drawing a red line in green is not exactly impossible, but very close to impossible…
— Petrov, what do you mean “impossible”? — asks Sidoryakhin.
— I’m just outlining the situation. There may be colorblind people for whom the color of the line really wouldn’t matter, but I’m not sure that the target audience for your project consists exclusively of such people.
— So, in principle, it’s possible, do we understand you correctly, Petrov? — asks Morkovyeva.
Petrov realizes that he’s overdone it with the imagery.
— Let’s put it more simply, — he says. — The line as such can be drawn in absolutely any color. But to get a red line, you should use only red.
— Petrov, please don’t confuse us. You just said that it was possible.
Petrov silently curses his talkativeness.
— No, you misunderstood me. I just wanted to say that in some extremely rare situations, the color of the line will not matter, but even then — the line will still not be red. You see, it will not be red! It will be green. And you need red.
There is a short silence, in which the quiet, tense hum of synapses is clearly audible.
— What if, — Nedozaytsev says, struck by an idea, — we draw them blue?
— It still won’t work, — Petrov shakes his head. — If we draw them blue, we will get blue lines.
Silence again. This time it is interrupted by Petrov himself.
— And I still don’t understand... What did you mean when you talked about transparent lines?
Morkovyeva looks at him indulgently, like a kind teacher at a lagging student.
— Well, how can I explain it to you?.. Petrov, don’t you know what “transparent” is?
— I know.
— And I hope I don’t need to explain to you what a “red line” is either?
— No, I don’t.
— There you go. Draw us the red lines in transparent color.
Petrov pauses for a second, thinking about the situation.
— And what should the result look like, please describe it? How do you imagine it?
— Well-l-l, Petro-l-l!” says Sidoryakhin. — Well, let’s not… What is this, kindergarten? Who is the red line specialist here, Morkovyeva or you?
— I’m just trying to clarify the details of the task for myself…
— Well, what’s unclear here?.. — Nedozaytsev intervenes in the conversation. — You know what a red line is, right?
— Yes, but…
— And what is “transparent”, is also clear to you?
— Of course, but…
— So what do I need to explain to you? Petrov, let’s not stoop to unproductive arguments. The task has been set, the task is clear and precise. If you have specific questions, ask them.
— You are a professional, — adds Sidoryakhin.
— Okay, — Petrov gives in. — Forget about the color. But do you have something else with perpendicularity?..
— Yes, — Morkovyeva readily confirms. — Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular.
— Perpendicular to what? — Petrov clarifies.
Morkovyeva begins to look through her papers.
— Uh-uh, — she says finally. — Well, sort of... To everything. Between themselves. Well, or whatever... I don’t know. I thought you knew what perpendicular lines there are, — she finally finds herself.
— Of course you know, — Sidoryakhin waves his hands. — Are we professionals here, or not?..
— Two lines can be perpendicular, — Petrov patiently explains. — All seven cannot be perpendicular to each other at the same time. This is geometry, 6th grade.
Morkovyeva shakes her head, driving away the looming ghost of a long-forgotten school education. Nedozaytsev slaps his palm on the table:
- Petrov, let's do without this: "6th grade, 6th grade." Let's be mutually polite. Let's not make hints and slide into insults. Let's maintain a constructive dialogue. We are not idiots gathered here.
- I think so too, - says Sidoryakhin.
Petrov pulls a piece of paper towards himself.
- Okay, - he says. - Let me draw it for you. Here is a line. Right?
Morkovyeva nods her head affirmatively.
- Let's draw another one... - says Petrov. - Is it perpendicular to the first one?
- Well...
- Yes, it is perpendicular.
- Well, you see! - Morkovyeva exclaims joyfully.
- Wait, that's not all. Now let's draw a third one... Is it perpendicular to the first line?..
Thoughtful silence. Without waiting for an answer, Petrov answers himself:
- Yes, it is perpendicular to the first line. But it does not intersect the second line. They are parallel to the second line.
Silence falls. Then Morkovyeva gets up from her seat and, going around the table, comes up behind Petrov, looking over his shoulder.
- Well ... - she says uncertainly. - I guess so.
- That's the thing, - says Petrov, trying to consolidate the success he has achieved. - As long as there are two lines, they can be perpendicular. As soon as there are more of them ...
- Can I have a pen? - asks Morkovyeva.
Petrov hands over the pen. Morkovyeva carefully draws several hesitant lines.
- And if so?..
Petrov sighs.
- It's called a triangle. No, these are not perpendicular lines. Besides, there are three of them, not seven.
Morkovyeva purses her lips.
- Why are they blue? - Nedozaytsev suddenly asks.
- Oh, by the way, - Sidoryakhin supports. - I wanted to ask myself.
Petrov blinks several times, examining the drawing.
“My pen is blue,” he finally says. “I just wanted to demonstrate…
” “Well, maybe that’s the point?” Nedozaytsev interrupts him impatiently, in the tone of a man who has just figured out a complex concept and is rushing to share it with those around him before the thought is lost. “Your lines are blue. Draw them red, and let’s see what happens.
” “It’ll be the same,” Petrov says confidently.
“Well, what do you mean, the same?” Nedozaytsev says. “How can you be sure if you haven’t even tried? Draw them red, and we’ll see.
” “I don’t have a red pen with me,” Petrov admits. “But I can absolutely…
” “Why didn’t you prepare,” Sidoryakhin says reproachfully. “You knew there telegram number database would be a meeting…”
“I can tell you with absolute certainty,” Petrov says in despair, “that you’ll get exactly the same thing with red.”
— You yourself told us last time, — Sidoryakhin retorts, — that the red lines should be drawn in red. Here, I even wrote it down. And you draw them with a blue pen. Are these red lines in your opinion?
— By the way, yes, — Nedozaytsev notes. — I also asked you about the blue color. What did you tell me?
Petrov is suddenly saved by Lenochka, who is studying his drawing with interest from her seat.
— I think I understand, — she says. — You are not talking about color now, are you? Are you talking about this one, what do you call it? Perper-whatever-there?
— Perpendicularity of lines, yes, — Petrov responds gratefully. — It has nothing to do with the color of the lines. —
That’s it, you have confused me completely, — Nedozaytsev says, looking from one participant in the meeting to another. — So what are we having problems with? With color or with perpendicularity?
Morkovyeva makes confused sounds and shakes her head. She is confused too.
- With both, - Petrov says quietly.
- I can't understand anything, - says Nedozaytsev, examining his clasped fingers. - Here is a problem. All we need is seven red lines. I understand, there would be twenty of them!.. But here there are only seven. The problem is simple. Our customers want seven perpendicular lines. Right?
Morkovyeva nods.
- And Sidoryakhin doesn't see the problem either, - says Nedozaytsev. - Am I right, Sidoryakhin?.. Well then. So what is stopping us from completing the problem?
- Geometry, - Petrov says with a sigh.
- Well, just ignore it, that's all! - says Morkovyeva.
Petrov is silent, collecting his thoughts. One after another, colorful metaphors are born in his brain, which would allow him to convey to those around him the surrealism of what is happening, but as luck would have it, all of them, when put into words, invariably begin with the word "Fuck!", completely inappropriate for a business conversation.
Tired of waiting for an answer, Nedozaytsev says:
- Petrov, just answer simply - can you do it or can't you? I understand that you are a narrow specialist and do not see the big picture. But it is not difficult to draw some seven lines, isn't it? We have been discussing some nonsense for two hours already, and we still cannot come to a solution.
- Yes, - says Sidoryakhin. - You only criticize and say: "Impossible! Impossible!" Offer us your own solution to the problem! Because even a fool can criticize, forgive the expression. You are a professional!
Petrov wearily utters:
- Fine. Let me draw you two guaranteed perpendicular red lines, and the rest in transparent color. They will be transparent and will not be visible, but I will draw them. Will that suit you?
- Will that suit us? - Morkovyeva turns to Lenochka. - Yes, that suits us.
- Just a couple more - in green, - Lenochka adds. - And I have another question, may I?
— Yes, — Petrov allows in a dead voice.
— Can I draw one line in the form of a kitten?
Petrov is silent for a few seconds, and then asks again:
— What?
— Well, in the form of a kitten. A little kitten. Our users like little animals. It would be really cool…
— No, — says Petrov.
— And why?
— No, of course I can draw you a cat. I'm not an artist, but I can try. Only it won't be a line. It will be a cat. A line and a cat are different things.
— A kitten, — Morkovyeva clarifies. — Not a cat, but a kitten, so small, cute. Cats, they…
— It doesn't matter, — Petrov shakes his head.
— Absolutely not, right?.. — Lenochka asks disappointedly.
— Petrov, you could have at least listened to the end, — Nedozaytsev says irritably. — You haven't listened to the end, and you're already saying "No."
— I get the idea, — Petrov says without looking up from the table. — It's impossible to draw a line in the form of a kitten.
— Well, then we don’t have to, — Lenochka allows. — And the bird won’t work either?
Petrov silently looks up at her and Lenochka understands everything.
— Well, then we don’t have to, — she repeats again.
Nedozaytsev slaps his palm on the table.
— So where were we? What are we doing?
— Seven red lines, — says Morkovyeva. — Two in red, two in green, and the rest in transparent. Right? Did I get it right?
— Yes, — confirms Sidoryakhin before Petrov can open his mouth.
Nedozaytsev nods with satisfaction.
— That’s great... Well, that’s it, colleagues?.. Are we leaving?.. Are there any more questions?..
— Oh, — Lenochka remembers. — We also have a red balloon! Tell me, can you inflate it?
— Oh, by the way, — says Morkovyeva. — Let’s discuss this right away, too, so we don’t have to meet twice.
— Petrov, — Nedozaytsev turns to Petrov. — Can we do this?
— What does the balloon have to do with me? — Petrov asks, surprised.
— It’s red, — Lenochka explains.
Petrov is dumbly silent, his fingertips trembling.
— Petrov, — Nedozaytsev asks nervously. — So can you do this or can’t you? It’s a simple question.
— Well, — Petrov says cautiously, — in principle, of course I can, but…
— Okay, — Nedozaytsev nods. — Go to them, inflate them. We’ll write out travel expenses, if necessary.
— Can we do it tomorrow? — Morkovyeva asks.
— Of course, — Nedozaytsev answers. — I don’t think there will be any problems… Well, is that all for us now?.. Excellent. We worked productively… Thank you all and goodbye!
Petrov blinks several times to return to objective reality, then gets up and slowly walks to the exit. Lenochka catches up with him right at the exit.
— Can I ask you something else? — says Lenochka, blushing. — When you inflate the balloon... Can you inflate it in the shape of a kitten?..
Petrov sighs.
— I can do anything, — he says. — I can do absolutely anything. I'm a professional.